It's been really fun getting back into the job market.
Lolz, that's a lie.
Honestly, it's given me really weird flashbacks to online dating, which, if you knew me during that period, was a traumatic trainwreck for everyone involved. Quick highlights include being cursed via text message, finding out the face of cocaine addiction, and being told "it's a huge relief you're better looking than your pictures."
This current job search has also had many similar crippling effects on my self-esteem but with less cocaine and curses.
I have found that, also just like in online dating, I've learned what I don't want. This is mostly that I'm old af and can't be at a startup anymore. I just do not have the time for it, especially the part where you get interviewed by 22-year-olds who tell you that you can "really grow here."
This revelation came during an interview for a huge tech company, not even a startup (this was actually pre-pandemic or pre-pandz, if you're cool). I had prepped for the interview and wore actual pants and a button up, which was the equivalent to wearing the crown jewels to dinner at Applebee's.
I got to the receptionist desk and was immediately yelled at for trying to speak to a human.
"YOU USE THE COMPUTER!"
So, I "used the computer" to print a pass for myself while the two women behind the desk complained about how busy things were.
I was the only one in the room – which isn't to say things weren't busy, but… like isn't a front desk person's job to offer some kind of a greeting? Like a "Hello!" instead of "Shut up!"
Things did get busier after I arrived, as a security guard came up and said he needed to get into the conference room because someone was sleeping in it and had to be removed. To be fair, I can see how the temptation to sleep anywhere would be prevalent at this place. As I mentioned, my jeans and button up were opulent attire. My guess is that 70% of people were in pajamas and the number of people who had showered was at maybe 51%.
This all happened in 5 minutes, before I was taken into a room to do the interview.
The insanely long interview process started with a 23-year-old who made sure I knew she had gotten to go to Europe for the job. And that "you can really pave your way here. You could even get to go to Europe."
She would probably know I had been to Europe to run training for my previous job if she asked any questions that were relevant to my job experience. Most of them were to make sure I was a "culture fit." They really wanted to make sure I fit, as I answered 30 minutes of questions for her, then answered… the exact same questions in the next 30 minutes.
The second guy was like "It's wild here. You think you know a startup, but everything changes in a second."
At this point, I kind of wondered if it was encouraged to not look at resumes before interviewing people, as they would have learned my entire professional career was spent in a startup environment. This guy may have also been encouraged to not listen to answers as he would very regularly just ignore my previous responses and ask what I had answered.
"Tell me about a good team you worked on."
"Blah, blah – but what really became clear to me is that teamwork is built on trust and shared goals."
"So, next question. What would you say about teamwork?"
At one point I let out an audible sigh mid-interview. Like "Ahhhhghh, okay, sure. Well, like I previously said…"
Before round 3, I almost left. I'm like "Can I just walk out and email the recruiter? Like, thanks but your company is a sad dumpster fire."
Interview 3 things escalated when the hiring manager came in. This was actually fine, until I got to ask questions and then he spent roughly 15 mins talking about the problems in higher education today. At the end of his speech, I go. "Wow. Yeah."
The last two interviews were fantastic – it was two people on the team. They asked questions that made sense for an interview – like about skills and stuff. I don't know if they followed protocols because they seemed to know that I was there for an interview and not a weird coffee chat.
I was quickly rejected for that role – whether it was a bad skill match or the perma-scowl on my face during the process is really up in the air.
As I left the office, I realized that I needed a job with corporate structure and (at the very least) an interview process. I have become a professional grown up. Also, I want to wear clothes to work. And you can keep all your snacks if it means that I can use a conference room without having to poke a Gen Z'er with a broom to wake them up.
It was a breath of fresh air in my last round of interviews at a new company when a veteran goes: "I'll be honest, this is corporate. We fight about dumb shit. We have a lot of annoying things happen. But vacation is good, and the team is fun."
I almost stood up and applauded on the Zoom.
I didn't get that job either, but I was told I was "intelligent, talented, and a great fit" which is at least better than "you're better looking than your pictures." Now, those compliments were followed by "BUT we went internal" so, you can't have everything.
So far in this search, I've gotten to final rounds a number of times, so I think lightning will strike at some point. At the very least, even with all the rejection, I can at least say no one has cursed me via text message.