Book Coach Blog: Shady Lady Edition

Very rarely do I hate books. And if I do, I keep my mouth shut. Writing books is hard! But, in this case, I read a terrible book and learned enough to share. I did anonymize everything, so it is a mystery book. If you desire to know the title, it will require the purchase of ~2 beers the next time I see you in person. In the meantime, check out what I learned from this horrible, terrible, no-good, very bad book.

An Open Letter to Taylor Swift

Dear Taylor,

Your new album is great. I have really enjoyed listening to the mid-tempo melodies of “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys”, “But Daddy I Love Him”, and “Guilty as Sin?” over the last few weeks. “Florida!!!”, and its triple exclamation points, have nearly inspired a trip to Sarasota.

And I’ve honestly loved the journey of the last few albums. Folklore and Evermore took us on an indie, introspective journey. Midnights showed us that you have naughty, mid-tempo thoughts that you wanted to share with us. I, myself, am too much of a milquetoast custard to be a “Midnight Rain”, but when your pitched voice sings about it, it’s LIKE I am interesting enough to have abandoned another milquetoast custard in high school.

But hear me out.

What if you gave us a BANGER. Correct. An all-caps BANGER that, in two minutes and thirty-ish seconds, gives us a face-melting hook, a chorus, and a bridge that I can shriek to after a few Malibu crans?

Others are hungry as well. When Midnights didn’t hit the right vibe, the Swifties crawled back into your catalog and pulled out “Cruel Summer” so that we could dance. While you, Chanteuse Moses, went up on the hill to make art with burning bushes Aaron and Jack, we peons erected the “Cruel Summer” golden calf to satiate our needs.

Was that analogy over-the-top. Yes! Just like your next BANGER should be.

At this point, I must digress and issue an apology. You did offer us a few bops on the last record, but they were not the methamphetamine BANGER that I, nay, the public, needed. The line between a bop and BANGER (and, yes, a BOP and banger) is thin and subjective. But I think many of us understand the power of a “Shake It Off!” over the tepidness of a “Karma.”

A few suggestions on this hypothetical banger:

  • It should make toddlers dance. There is no greater indication of BANGER status than a small child shaking awkwardly in a booster seat when it comes on the radio.

  • Maybe try some dubstep again? (It’s been a minute.)

  • They lyrics can be about anything. Your love life? Sure. Paper Rings? Definitely. BANGERS have been made with as few as three words*; Imagine what you could do with four!

    • *The author understands the contentiousness of this claim.

  • Don’t try to cheat. If you attempt another mid-tempo “Anti-Hero” or “Fortnight”, we will know.

  • Don’t make it a duet. I love Brendan Urie, but “Me!” was not it. (This is also a very subjective claim, but one which I stand behind.)

  • Maybe call Max Martin? I would start the GoFundMe to cover his fee.

In conclusion, Taylor, the world needs BANGER Taylor one more time. You know how in like 90% of superhero movies ever there’s the moment when the aged hero puts on the suit one more time to fight evil? That’s like this.

But different.

But there are parallels, so I’ll keep the comparison.

Anyway, thank you for your time and attention. BANGER or no, your music continues to be wonderful, and we love and appreciate the joy of your music and the Eras tour. Until you come down to us with the Ten Commandment Tablets of BANGER, I will look graciously forward to Rep TV.

Sincerely,

Tedd Hawks

PS – Fellow Swifties, if Taylor somehow ignores this letter on my very, incredibly low-traffic blog, I put forward “Message in a Bottle” as the next BANGER that is pulled from the back catalog and pushed to #1. Tysm.

Notes on Rick Rubin's The Creative Act

Rick Rubin is a cool dude. His book on creativity is, likewise, a cool book-dude. I read an article and he said it took almost six years to write, and that makes total sense. It’s deeennsseeee. So, I went through and grabbed some top-tier highlights for you. (You’re welcome!) Check out the Medium post here.

Celebrating Grandma C

I don’t often repost, but I had to this week to celebrate the life of my Gramma C. She passed last weekend at 102 after a life full of laughter and fun. She loved Hawaii, Bill Clinton, and the riverboat in Peoria. She had great taste. She was also kind of a boss, working in a male-dominated professional setting with computers before it was cool. Going to miss her and the hours of cards we used to play <3