I don’t think there is any way to not come out looking like a douche bag after writing this blog, but I can’t not write it. I mean, the precedent is set. I’ve had douche-bag entries before. (Remember the one where I cried about my rather nice, cheap, well-maintained gym?) So, here it goes. Send any complaints to my PR rep ashleigheaux@ashleaigheauxPR.biz.
Anyway, there’s this guy.
He’s a very handsome guy. Crazy handsome. OBSCENELY handsome. And he has a social media presence. Well, honestly, it’s more than a presence, he’s an influencer—100s of thousands of people follow him.
So he got online famous being hot and then posting videos. Some of them are about his insecurities like…bad hair days and…well, I think that’s it. There’s nothing wrong with him. In other videos, you’ll see him dance poorly or do push-ups. It’s all very, very, very, very bland. Like white rice bland. 80’s sitcom bland. It’s just a hot guy doing things. Never did I see one of his videos and think “Wow. That guy’s good at that thing.”
But people DO. They love his blandness. They adore it! If he posts about his insecurities, people will respond with block paragraphs wishing him well and giving him advice. Block paragraphs! I don’t even text my mom block paragraphs. They send hearts and emojis and laugh at stuff that I wouldn’t even call a joke. Not even joke adjacent. It’s like…okay, you made an observation about something. Is that funny?
White Castle is cheap.
Traveling is fun.
Love is for everyone.
These banalities ooze from his Instagram like honey from a…bee? Or something. Anyway, the people love it.
They love it so much that he started his own marketing firm. He actually tells other people how to get Instagram famous. Which…this is the part where we enter the social media uncanny valley… what? What is actually happening?
It’s like if someone really, really hot got famous playing drums, but they played the drums poorly. BUT THEN they started charging for drum lessons. It doesn’t make sense!!
So, you’re hot. Which is how you got famous…but like what are you telling people to do?
I kept following him to see what else would come up. And, yes, if you’re one of those perspicacious readers, you know that I am also part of the problem. I’m following him (due to his hotness) and watching this all unfold. But, at this point, the trainwreck was so far removed from reality, that it was like watching a train crash into a blimp on the moon. I COULD NOT LOOK AWAY.
This same thing happened another time when I saw a celebrity post about a book of poetry. I looked up the book and could not believe what I saw.
Of course, the poet is very, very attractive.
But the poems… Guys. The poems.
I got an MFA. I went to school with poets who spent hours crafting four or five lines of poesy.
This guy was probably at his desk using ChatGPT.
Love, I get it.
It’s a lonely, burning sensation.
Just above the heart.
And in your eyes.
^^That poem I just threw together and may be better than the actual poems in this book.
But I read maybe twenty of them because I couldn’t not. I just didn’t understand what was happening. This guy got a book deal based on phrases that may have once been on a Snapple cap.
Likewise, the other very, very hot influencer is posting bland “help” videos on his business account. One was just about how you should believe in yourself.
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH MARKETING? …OR ANYTHING?
My friend and I were discussing the bizarreness of this phenomenon, and then he took it a step further and looked at how much the hot marketing guy was charging.
Y’all…it’s a lot of money. And based on the “tips” he posts, he’s just googling “how do I get more followers” and then sending people the results for a consulting fee.
The weird(est) thing about all of this is that it doesn’t make me mad or anything. Like I’m not jealous of the chatGPT poet or the hot marketer, it actually brings me a lot of joy.
To put it in another way: As a middle-aged man (yes, I’m there now), life turns out to be kind of a disappointment. Dreams don’t come true. You don’t accomplish what you want to accomplish, and you start to realize that well, this is it. And as a part of the retrospection, you get down on yourself:
“I should have done this…”
“If only I had pursued this at a younger age…”
“Maybe if I’d had more courage while I did X…”
But chatGPT poet and hot marketer help me flip the script. Because they illustrate that nothing really mattered anyway. There’s no rhyme or reason to success. Things happen, people have bad hair days, consumers pay money to hear bland advice or poetry from hot people, and that’s just kind of how things are. The world is gloriously absurd and there’s no reason to be down about anything, because it’s all kind of a cosmic joke.
That’s not meant to be nihilistic or bleak. For me it’s really helpful. I should keep writing, keep doing book coaching, keep blogging, and keep laughing. Things aren’t good or bad, they just are, and that’s pretty freeing. And kind of hilarious.
So I encourage you to do what you love to do, because someone out there is doing it a lot worse and making a lot of money at it. Now, please show your support in the comments because I’m having a bad hair day. Like, really bad! *sad emoji* *cry emoji* *money emoji* *money emoji* *money emoji*
Bonus Content:
I’ve been playing with chatGPT. (It started with work and has been very fun.) Anyway, here are two love poems generated by a bot that are better than hot poet.
Love is a flame that burns so bright,
A force that fills both day and night,
It brings us joy, it brings us pain,
But without it life would not be the same.
Love is a garden we tend with care,
Nurturing each bloom so rare,
Through seasons of sun and stormy weather,
Its beauty endures and blossoms forever.
And a final one I asked to be about a hot influencer who is bad at poetry. Honestly, it’s an A+ for this robot. Would like and subscribe to its poetry account.
Words may stumble, meter may falter,
But eyes are drawn to this influencer's alter,
Charisma oozes from every pore,
Their poetry may be bad, but their looks? Adore!