Eye Think I Was Swindled
*I realized when posting this that the previous post was also about being swindled by doctors. Obviously life in my 30's is super exciting... and only consists of health-related issues. YOUNG FOREVER!
Health insurance is the most bizarre concept on the planet. Why do you need to be insured for your own health and well-being? That’s like having food insurance. Everyone eats, buuuttt you need this policy to actually buy food. It makes sense!
Note: Please don’t be bored. This isn’t political. I know Obamacare/ACA is a big talking point right now, but rest assured, I would rather set my testicles on fire than talk about anything political. Note Also: If you want something political look on Facebook, pick up a newspaper, breathe, because POLITICS IS CONSUMING US ALL.
Not a Note: I recently went to an eye doctor. The term doctor here is used loosely because the “office” is in a strip mall. I used to go to Target, but my health insurance isn’t good there. (Yes, I know… I can buy anything on the planet in Target except get a $35 eye check because a company somewhere decided that made sense. For my well-being, of course.)
I didn’t think anything of the situation until I was brought into a tiny, dark room and the technician gives me this spiel (there may be hyperbole in the below):
“I’m obligated to tell you that we do two additional checks on your eyes. These make sure your eyes are not on fire, your retina is attached, you don’t have eye cancer, your eyes function properly, you don’t have glaucoma, your eyes are healthy, you have eyes, and eyes. Because this is a health-related item instead of eye-related, this isn’t covered by your insurance and will cost an additional $50.”
Wait. What? So I come to the EYE doctor and tests FOR MY EYES are additional because… it’s unrelated. #insurancesense
She goes on: “Will you have the tests done?”
Me: “Nope.” [Had literally been to the physical therapist earlier and had just shelled out $35, so wasn’t spending any more on my body, thanks. If my eyes explode, I’ll take the chance.]
Tech: “Is the cost prohibitive?”
Me: “Yes.”
Tech: “Let me check if we can reduce your rate with my manager.”
I assumed this meant that she would see if there was a rate reduction with my insurance, but it literally meant that she walked outside and goes “Hey, Stan! Can this guy get a lower test on the eye tests that are health tests and not eye tests? $10? Okay.”
Tech reentering the room: “We can give it to you for $40.”
Again… Am I buying an oriental rug form a flea market or … at a doctor’s office?
So, I decline the tests again because… If I can barter for a health test I feel like it can’t be that useful.
The tech lets me go and then I get shuffled to the doctor. Picture a 28-year-old Miss Havisham. She hates you and her job. There was no clock in the room, but I assume it would be stopped at the minute that she had to accept a position at an office in a strip mall.
So we go through the usual situation, then at the end she goes: “We’ll need to get you new glasses. Your prescription has changed. With the insurance money it will be less than Warby Parker.”
If you have ever used Warby Parker, you know that it’s the best deal on the planet. You get awesome frames and lenses for $100 – standard.
I had no idea how the new magical insurance I had worked, so I assumed she may be correct and I would get a nice pair of glasses for $100.
Because I was lied to, I went in and tried on 10 pairs of glasses. The poor man scrambled around trying to find me a pair. I literally showed him a picture of Warby Parker glasses I like thinking, “Oh.. if they have something cheaper I’ll get those!”
So man gives me 100 glasses, then tells me the derivative formula for how my insurance applies to the cost:
“If f(x) = bifocals/√42 then the limit as sunglasses approaches scratch resistance = 20% off ½ the sum of your purchase as categorized by the tax code of British Columbia.”
“So, how much do I pay?”
He literally got out an electronic chalkboard and did the math, which = $300, without tax. Literally said without tax, as if the 45% Chicago life tax is negligible.
“They would normally be $600, so you’re saving a lot.”
You could tell me a flight to London costs 40,000 but you’re giving it to me for 1000 and.. I’d still be overpaying by about $300.
“I’m good, thanks… could I get a copy of my subscription?”
So the guy goes over and talks to the manager and is like, “He wants a copy of his prescription..pffft!”
Yes, sir, this is ridiculous. I would rather pay less and get a fine pair of glasses than pay triple in your weird optometry flea market and get glasses that you said looked bad on me anyway. THAT MAKES SENSE!
Oh, wait, sorry, #insurance – in that case, I’ll take the sunglasses, too.